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Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Writer's Block: Happy birthday John Lennon!

October 9th, 2011 (12:03 pm)

Do you think there will ever be world peace?
I just don't think I have enough faith in humanity to think that there will ever be world peace. Most of us may want it, but the other part of us just wants to be the best and rule everything. I don't think this could ever happen, at least not until a giant meteor knocks some sense into our heads.

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

iPod touch :)

October 8th, 2011 (03:24 pm)
Tags:

current location: 43.2294,-76.1327

So I'm totally posting this from my iPod. I've names it and I've slept with it and today is it's second day with me. I must say I'm already in love with his thing! And they have an lj app! Obv. Oh, and I saw bunraku. Loved it. Of course I loved gackt but I must admit that the movie as a whole want bad at all. Definitely my type of movie and I will buy it in November when it comes out on DVD! Well time to do something productive :) o(^▽^)o

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Bullies :/

September 21st, 2011 (09:09 pm)
Tags:

current song: various things

Yeah, I've been bullied. Mostly just called fat. Or weird. Why? Well I've got giant beasts, so my weight is actually mostly breast. And my belly does in fact stick out. But I'm not fat. (I'm lying to myself when I say this btw.) I'm a little overweight. And I've been picked on for it.

I was like...11. And I had been going through puberty then for about 2 1/2 years. Nobody ever told me that if I keep eating frozen pizza and McDonalds, I'd gain weight. Nobody told me that I'd feel bloated, and get aches and pains everywhere. I found all of this out once I actually made friends that I could trust. But before this, at the age of 11, two girls walked up to me on the side of the road, lifted my shirt, and asked why I had just sucked in my belly. At this point I was already close to tears, and when they pointed out that I was fat (I wasn't. At that point, I was about five pounds above what I should have been.) I burst into tears. Since then, I've been very very touchy with my weight and body image.

I know people who have been driven to the point of suicide or homicide because of bullies. I won't name names to this one, but I know somebody who took a pocket knife to school and held it to his long time bullie's throat. That was his last day of school. He did not graduate. (Thankfully though, he did get his G.E.D.) He also happened to pull a loaded shot gun on this same bully who showed up at his house. This happened many years before I was born.

Today? Well, I've witnessed small children on the playground ganging up on another little girl. Nobody stopped them.

And today I hear on the news that they are researching the causes of bullying? Hold on hold on.
You have to research this crap?? How about SOCIETY. Lemme spell some of it out for you.

1. Skinny ass models on tv and in magazines. I, personally, subscribe to Cosmopolitan. Purely for makeup tips, healthy hair tips, and most of all sex tips. ;p But even in this I see all of the demeaning mannerisms. That magazine treats men like they are stupid, can't think for themselves and makes women feel like they can control a man. It makes women think they have to be skinny and perfect and both boobs have to match and their ass has to be tight. Personally, I understand that guys think different, but I know I can't control them. Instead, I come up with a way to help them understand why I think the way I do about something. Makes things easier, and I'm not demeaning them.

2. TV shows. Sex scenes. Porn. Your goods must be this large, your bra should be this cup size, your weight should be below this. Men feel crappy because girls want the perfect hollywood romance, and there is no way in hell a man can deliver that. It's all scripted and fake. I'd love to have a candle lit dinner, with rose petals all around and a nice big plate of spaghetti and meatballs. But not if I knew that it was because Dennis read about it online, and how he's 'supposed' to do this for me. And furthermore, while I'm staring down this delicious plate of spaghetti, I don't want to worry about how I look. F*ck it. Imma dig right in, and get a little sauce on my chin. Might as well wear a damn bib while I'm at it. I love spaghetti.

3. Adults. Parents. Teachers. "It'll make him a man." Like hell it will, he'll just end up exploding the school. "Survival of the fittest." Really are we in the caveman era? I don't understand how adults can laugh at one little boy kicking another in the face. That's funny? Maybe if he had said "Imma kick you!!" with a funny and cute accent, but not actually doing it! Teachers see this crap going on every day. And most of them do nothing. I understand that in certain circumstances they have to watch their own backs, but if they don't even have a backbone what's the point?

I'm sorry. I don't have a degree in psychotics. I'm not a teacher and haven't studied child development. But just from personal experiences and observations, I can pinpoint why most people get bullied, and why most people bully. (Also I forgot to mention abuse at home. :/)
I wish people would open their eyes. Every single person on this planet is unique, but unfortunately most of them won't ever find out what they are best at and will never grace this world with their love and talent. I'm not trying to be a hippie here, but it's true!

>.> Well I've ranted. :)

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Tribute to drugs

September 16th, 2011 (08:04 pm)
creative

current mood: creative
current song: everything-buckcherry

Running,
In reverse,
Typing,
On high speed,
Eyes melting,
Brain swimming,
Trees become lightning,
Rain turns to steam,
Missing the point and not caring,
Missing my brain,
Swimming in blood,
Kissing my love goodbye,
As she crashes to the ground and,
Shatters into a thousand pieces,
Under the influence,
Passing through my veins,
Kissing my tender, lifeless lips,
Burying me in this coffin.

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

I've decided...

September 16th, 2011 (07:37 pm)
accomplished
Tags:

current location: Uh..work :/
current mood: accomplished
current song: So wat'cha want-The beastie boys

Maybe, I'll actually keep up with this thing again. :/ I get so bored, and then have nothing to do. And then there is this. I can do it.

Things have changed. Alot. I graduated in 2010. Moved into my own apartment with my boyfriend. Got a job. And am trying to get my butt into college. (Don't get me started on that rant.) I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing, and even more reading. I'm not pleased with myself when it comes to that. I used to write alot, and now I find myself finding reasons to write an organized shopping list, or writing to complain about something to someone, just because I want to hand write something. :/ Withdrawal.

Soooo, I come here. It's not hand written I admit, but let me tell you that I have a little notebook I carry with me. That is full of random little tidbits of my mind. Everything I can think of, and the times I think of them. And I have about....59 pens in my purse.

Ok that's a lie, more like 10...but they are there. Begging to be used and man handled.

Oh!~ And music...still my life. I admit that my music preference changed a bit. Still the norm: Atreyu, Gackt, Diru, Myv, Gazette, Yui....all of those. But I've added more to my list of likes.

Mayday parade.
Hed PE
Kottonmouth kings
Adele
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
And oh so many others.

Still looking for more however. :/ (When am I ever not?)
And I'm not just sticking to English, I have some Korean, Russian, German, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, and Sweedish songs. I'm still the well rounded me!

My views on life changed. For the better I hope. Still the same old depressed, anxious me. But I'm done with people's bull crap. And being walked all over and used and abused. Me fights for me, and everything me believes in. At least much more than I used to....and probably not as much as I should. But I don't keep my mouth shut when I see things wrong now...

And I'm still debating on weather this is good or bad. :0



Anyhow, I'm here, I'm back! I'm trying to write and live life and re connect with people. :) Sooooo....lets do this!

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Writer's Block: Prepared Answer

January 6th, 2009 (07:10 pm)

What is the one question you've always wanted someone to ask you?
What would you do if I said I loved you?

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

New Years Resolutions

December 31st, 2008 (10:58 am)
Tags:

current song: Atreyu-Becoming the bull

Last year I made only one..and I kept to it as best I could....this year they are as follows:

Talk less
Stop dwelling on depressing crap
Broden my vocabulary
Actually friggin study Japanese
Stop being addicted to Spongebob (though not give it up lolz)
Keep being me
Lose weight
Write better stories/poems/whatever it is that I write
Rant more
Gackt's still meh #1

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Check up

December 26th, 2008 (07:15 pm)
Tags:

current location: Like you fucking care
current mood: kill me please
current song: Atreyu-The crimson


Check up on my brain: squishy

Check up on my body: In
pain

Check up on my heart: It can't do it anymore

Check up on me: I'm still not ok

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

Words

December 18th, 2008 (08:15 pm)
depressed
Tags: , ,

current mood: depressed
current song: Atreyu-The rembrance ballad


The only proof I have that we were ever together
These two notes you wrote to me
I’ve read them a million times
I can still hear your voice saying those words
I miss it terribly
But these notes
I’ve tried to rip them
I tried to throw them away
And I’ve thought about burning them
I can’t
My thumb won’t stroke the lighter
My body is too weak to rip the paper
And I snatch them from the garbage right after I put them there
God your handwritings I so beautiful
And the hearts on both sides of your name
Where you signed
They were for me
You said you were mine
I was yours
And you told me you missed me that week you were gone
And that you were a good listener
How come you didn’t listen when I tried to tell you the truth then?
And then you worried that we would drift apart after you graduated
You told me that in this note I hold in my hand
The one I try not to cry on
So I can read the words forever
And I’ll keep reading them
Until the meaning is drained
And the emotions gone
Until every word is just that
A word
I’ll keep these notes safe
Until they mean nothing
Until I can flick that lighter
And set them on fire

 

Kyashi-Camui Proud ~Dear~ [userpic]

*emo* meme

December 14th, 2008 (12:46 pm)
Tags:

current location: home
current song: Atreyu-her portrait in black

Tagged by </a>kannachan27

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
B. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.


01. What are your nicknames?
Kyashi, Cass, Momo, Itoshii (he ever calls me that again I'll kill him), Futago-chan(love the Kimmie)

02. Do you procrastinate a lot?
yes

03. Who's the prettiest boy you've ever seen?
........I'm just gonna go with Gackt/Myvs/All of Diru...and not go with the one guy I think is perfect...yup

04. How many colours are you wearing now?
blue, green, purple

05. What's a song that will make you stand up and dance?
silly god disco....

06. What are you doing while filling out this meme?
ignoring the tears

07. How many hours do you sleep a day?
lately....3-4

08. How would you profess your EXTREME LOVE to your manly and beautiful LOVE?
It's useless..he hates me

09. How tall are you among your friends?
....short to some tall to others

10. What's your favorite dessert?
...if it's sweet...then yeah.....

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
idk

12. What websites do you visit daily?
Lj, Myspace, Da, fanfic.net, fp, facebook, gaia, yahoo...and youtube

13. What was the last book you finished reading?
The mist-Stephen King (movie is better)

14. Do you dress up or dress down?
i wear clothes

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Bleeding Mascara-Atreyu

16. According to you, what is the "hottest" food? (yes, I said food...)
OMG don't get me started on the strawberrys

17. Have you ever done anything not many people have?
......idk

18. What is your favourite potato chip flavor?
idk if they are doritoes i love them

19. What's the last movie you watched?
Underworld (Wanted to see if they played Atreyu during the movie lol)

20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming month?
..........nothing..this month..and the next....no..they will just suck

21. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
............yup

22. What classes are you taking right now? And if you're not in school any more, what's your job?
all the boring ones (besides Psychology)

23. Do you like to clean?
Not at all.

24. Would you enter a relationship with your ideal partner, even if you knew he/she was seriously involved with/married to someone else and would never leave them?
no

25. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday?
dream

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