Um...yeah..so I'm here. Lol. Lots to say....but..I don't feel like typing. XD Some other time I suppose. But...yup. I'm back.

>.> Ok maybe I'll keep my live journal updated....
Right now I'm getting new Gackt things....and it's summer...so I have no life
I tried to get a job..but they are'nt hiering.....
And now I'm just gonna kick back, read some books(lord of the rings...harry potter), listen to some awsome music...play a few games..(pokemon..zelda...final fantasy)...and that's about it. I'll try to keep this updated...

Check out my deviantart..there is some new work.....

1st, Britnie! Idk if you got my Happy B-day msg on msn...BUT HAPPY B-DAY I LOVES U!

2nd, It's been a long ass time since I talked to you Grim!! Haha I want you to meet my BF cos he loooooooooooooooooves Starcraft!!!

3rd, I'm so fucking happy right now!! Like..srsly. And I feel that I've neglected LJ, which I have. I'm sorry LJ. PLZ FORGIVE ME!!

4th..idk why I'm puttin numbers on here

5th...I'm learning HTML for my Web design class. It's ok. I guess. haha no actually..the nerd in me loves it.

6th. wow this is short. But oh well.

What would you do if I said I loved you?

Last year I made only one..and I kept to it as best I could....this year they are as follows:

Talk less
Stop dwelling on depressing crap
Broden my vocabulary
Actually friggin study Japanese
Stop being addicted to Spongebob (though not give it up lolz)
Keep being me
Lose weight
Write better stories/poems/whatever it is that I write
Rant more
Gackt's still meh #1

Check up on my brain: squishy

Check up on my body: In pain

Check up on my heart: It can't do it anymore

Check up on me: I'm still not ok

The only proof I have that we were ever together
These two notes you wrote to me
I’ve read them a million times
I can still hear your voice saying those words
I miss it terribly
But these notes
I’ve tried to rip them
I tried to throw them away
And I’ve thought about burning them
I can’t
My thumb won’t stroke the lighter
My body is too weak to rip the paper
And I snatch them from the garbage right after I put them there
God your handwritings I so beautiful
And the hearts on both sides of your name
Where you signed
They were for me
You said you were mine
I was yours
And you told me you missed me that week you were gone
And that you were a good listener
How come you didn’t listen when I tried to tell you the truth then?
And then you worried that we would drift apart after you graduated
You told me that in this note I hold in my hand
The one I try not to cry on
So I can read the words forever
And I’ll keep reading them
Until the meaning is drained
And the emotions gone
Until every word is just that
A word
I’ll keep these notes safe
Until they mean nothing
Until I can flick that lighter
And set them on fire

 

Tagged by </a>kannachan27

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
B. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

01. What are your nicknames?
Kyashi, Cass, Momo, Itoshii (he ever calls me that again I'll kill him), Futago-chan(love the Kimmie)

02. Do you procrastinate a lot?
yes

03. Who's the prettiest boy you've ever seen?
........I'm just gonna go with Gackt/Myvs/All of Diru...and not go with the one guy I think is perfect...yup

04. How many colours are you wearing now?
blue, green, purple

05. What's a song that will make you stand up and dance?
silly god disco....

06. What are you doing while filling out this meme?
ignoring the tears

07. How many hours do you sleep a day?
lately....3-4

08. How would you profess your EXTREME LOVE to your manly and beautiful LOVE?
It's useless..he hates me

09. How tall are you among your friends?
....short to some tall to others

10. What's your favorite dessert?
...if it's sweet...then yeah.....

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
idk

12. What websites do you visit daily?
Lj, Myspace, Da, fanfic.net, fp, facebook, gaia, yahoo...and youtube

13. What was the last book you finished reading?
The mist-Stephen King (movie is better)

14. Do you dress up or dress down?
i wear clothes

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Bleeding Mascara-Atreyu

16. According to you, what is the "hottest" food? (yes, I said food...)
OMG don't get me started on the strawberrys

17. Have you ever done anything not many people have?
......idk

18. What is your favourite potato chip flavor?
idk if they are doritoes i love them

19. What's the last movie you watched?
Underworld (Wanted to see if they played Atreyu during the movie lol)

20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming month?
..........nothing..this month..and the next....no..they will just suck

21. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
............yup

22. What classes are you taking right now? And if you're not in school any more, what's your job?
all the boring ones (besides Psychology)

23. Do you like to clean?
Not at all.

24. Would you enter a relationship with your ideal partner, even if you knew he/she was seriously involved with/married to someone else and would never leave them?
no

25. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday?
dream

TAGGING: </a></font></b></a>grimgoblin, </a></font></b></a>juno016 , </a></font></b></a>larkir, </a></font></b></a>euphoriaxigbar , </a></font></b></a>kawaiichan789 , </a></font></b></a>shinkusenshi , and idk..if oyu wanna frikin do it then do it

If you didn’t notice her tear-stained shirt and blood shot eyes, and if you didn’t notice that she didn’t eat or sleep, that was okay. She didn’t want you to know. She had just decided to hide in the shadows, blend in with the surroundings.

And when the tears fell, and she turned her face away from you, and you didn’t notice, she was broken. Her sanity broken. All she wanted was to be loved—by you. And you still smile—hiding something or not—and she hides her tears for the sake of your smile.

But if you were to walk up to her, or stand next to her, who’s to say you wouldn’t see those tears? Who’s to say that your eyes wouldn’t well up with tears and you’d cry with her?

She’s seen it a million times—her mind loves to torment her. Sleepless nights, afraid of the dreams that send her into spirals of emotion and never-ending sobbing. Her mind can’t leave well enough alone, her heart longs for what her mind says to be true. Somehow, she manages to stay away, not to throw her arms around you, not to dial the number.

And yet you sit there, no tear-stained face, no blood shot eyes. Beautiful as always. Your perfect hair, perfect body and those eyes. She once looked into those eyes, and they looked back. She didn’t have to hide her gaze and she’d blush just slightly. Now, afraid of what would happen if she was caught in those eyes.

Endless nightmares, your face haunting yet somehow comforting. Longing for your voice, longing for your touch. She’s about to loose every inch of self that she has left. See what you’ve taken from her?

And yet she doesn’t hate you. No. The tables turned. The spotlight is on her. Hate from within—she can’t hate you. So instead, she hates herself. She hates so much, only because you do. Maybe she is just trying to find a way to be close to you, she longs for a connection.

And then she snaps. Her soul—her very soul—is broken. Her heart lay shattered on the ground, see all those cuts, bruises, stitches and scars? You almost fixed her heart, it was healing. But now, your cut is the deepest. The one that split it in half. And the pathetic thing still tries to beat.

She lays her head down—one final dream. Will you show up, will you hold her just this once? As her soul leaves the body. Her dreams take her. They’ve got her, what once was. Your arms around her. Her mind makes it so real. Her mind, no, her body—her everything—makes it real. Didn’t you know? You took her everything and wrapped it tightly in plastic. It couldn’t breath and now it is dead. You’re a murder—innocent until proven guilty.

 

I just read a story a friend wrote..probably before I met her. It's about her...good friend.....and..well....TEARS! God I think...I loved that story before I even Knew who he was.....before I actually had a face to go with the name..but now....>.< I can't read it....WHY WHY WHY i give up